Now 2 days ago, I received a call from my mother telling me that my Great Grandmother Charlotte June Losey passes away after a 5 year battle with breast cancer. I am talking this death a lot harder. I am having a very hard time because I feel so guilty that I hadn't gone to or gotten to visit her. I last saw my gramma June on her 89th birthday. We enjoyed ice cream at our famed home town ice cream parlor Superior Dairy.
2 weeks to the day that I lost one great grandma, I lost the other. I know i was very blessed to have any great grandmothers left at all, but I am so sad that I have lost them.
My heart hurts so bad and I know I am grieving and I was still dealing with Gramma Amintas death when I was bombarded with another. I feel so overwhelmed and destroyed and I don't really know how to deal.
I've cried so much these last 2 weeks more for my gramma June because I feel unsettled with her death and less for grandma Aminta because I had closure with her and got to hug her and teller her I loved her and goodbye at her party. Grandma June, I had to hold her cold hands at her viewing and tell her I loved her and say goodbye.
I am so so so deeply saddened. I can't seem to forgive myself for not stopping in her nursing home and visiting her or calling her or making some kind of an effort to see her in this last hard year of her life. I really truly hate myself for it. My heart hurts. Literally I feel sharp stabbing tearing pains. It hurts so so bad.
After Grandma Aminta passed I told my mom, we need to go visit Gramma June before its too late... I never did and time was cut so short I didn't have time too.
I was unable to travel out of town to go to my Grandma Amintas viewing and Funeral and I was fine with that I had already had my closure as I said. Plus my brother texted me throughout the services and told me how beautiful it was and how beautiful my gramma was and how a memory I shared with her was read on her Eulogy.
I was however able to make it to my Grandma Junes viewing and graveside memorial and still I feel terrible.
Pastor Andrew Uyeyama a former preschool and Sabbath school peer of mine spoke at my grammas service and it helped a bit. I feel as I'd my gramma was alone, even though she wasn't, at all, I wasn't there so I feel that I abandoned her. But Pastor Uyeyama said about my gramma that she was such a devoted Christian and that Gods people do not die alone. I know she went to sleep and woke up and saw the face of the Lord. I know that she was in so much pain the last few years and that now she isn't. Although my heart is in pain and crying, she is happy and healthy now with the lord.
My grandmother was a very devout christian. She hated missing a day of church. She used to take me with her on Saturdays to the sabbath! I miss those times so much. She always has spearmint gum and dried fruit in her purse for me to snack on. She would rub and scratch my back and it made me feel so safe, protected and comforted.
I love both my grandmas so much and I always will carry them in my heart. This picture is my Grandma Aminta RiP, my last living Grandma Marina, and my grandma June RiP<3
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